Integrity in a Box of Chocolates
“The Prodigal Son”

I never had the opportunity to hear my child’s name called at his high school or college graduation. Unfortunately, I have heard it called many times by deputy sheriffs when visiting him in jail, judges in courtrooms, and correctional officers when visiting him in prison. “Please send Carlus Koonce in F2 to visitation. Please send Carlus Koonce in F2 to visitation.” This is how I hear Carlus’ name called every time I visit him. You see, I don’t have the freedom to see him whenever I want. I can only see him when the Department of Corrections allows me to see him, which is Saturday, Sunday, and holidays from nine o’clock in the morning to three o’clock in the afternoon.

The most painful day of my life was March 29, 1999 when I heard Carlus’ name called on the day of his sentencing. The judge’s words still echo in my head today.

“So, Mr. Carlus Koonce, regarding count one, I sentence you to life in prison; regarding count two, I sentence you to life in prison; count three, life in prison; count four, life in prison; count five, life in prison; count six, twenty years confinement to run concurrent to the first five counts; all five life sentence counts will run concurrent.”

The fact that the judge referred to my son as an evil person hurt me deeply. I agreed that my son had committed a horrible crime and should be punished, but he was not and has never been an evil person. As a mother, no matter how difficult life has been for you and your child, you can never imagine or prepare for a day like this one……….

………..Many people have asked me if my son was angry with me for making some of the difficult decisions I did regarding him such as taking him to jail and not allowing him to live with me while using alcohol and drugs. The answer I give is what he says to me. He told me that many of the decisions I made saved his life. I had to make some difficult choices, but I always did what I believed was in his best interest. Most importantly, I never stopped praying for him. My son knew then and he knows now that I love him very much and will always love him. He knows that I will never support inappropriate behavior, but there is nothing he can ever do to make me stop loving him. Just like the father of the prodigal son in the Bible, I was waiting with open arms to welcome him back home. A better way to answer the question is to share a poem he wrote for me titled “Mother.”

Mother

As I look down the corridor and see nothing ahead,
I start to get cold and tremble wondering am I alive or dead.
A life without purpose is full of darkness indeed,
Despair, destruction, and a life full of greed.

I gaze down the corridor once again, and I see a spark.
I gain a little courage and feel a flutter in my heart.
The brighter the spark gets the more courage I gain.
And as it gets brighter and brighter, it eases the pain.

Because just when I thought no more happiness I will see,
It is always brought back by the woman who gave birth to me.
Finally, the darkness dispels, and I can see a bit farther.
The spark of light I saw coming to my rescue was my mother.

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